Episode #378: The 7 Transformative Tools You Need To Thrive with Elise Loehnen

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Women are often praised for being “good” but what if goodness is holding us back from being whole? In this deeply thought-provoking episode, bestselling author Elise Loehnen returns to discuss her new workbook, Choosing Wholeness Over Goodness, a companion to her New York Times bestseller, On Our Best Behavior.

They explore how deeply ingrained cultural programming shapes women’s identities, expectations, and stories, often without our awareness. Elise breaks down the seven “sins” that subconsciously govern women’s lives, including the good girl script, perfectionism, and self-sacrifice, and teaches us how to reclaim power by choosing truth and wholeness over performance and fear.

You’ll learn tangible tools for self-inquiry including “fact versus story”, how to identify fear responses, naming personas, and how to recognize if you’re caught in a drama triangle. 

This episode is rich with insights, tools, and real-life examples that will help you begin to shift your internal stories, access deeper self-compassion, and build stronger, healthier boundaries. It’s not about being a better woman—it’s about being more you.

Topics Covered In This Episode:

  • Cultural conditioning and the good girl myth
  • Self-awareness tools you can practice today
  • Understanding your fear response
  • How the drama triangle keeps you stuck
  • How to name and work with your inner personas

Show Notes:

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This episode’s guest

Elise Loehnen is a writer, editor, and podcast host who lives in Los Angeles with her husband, Rob, and their two sons, Max and Sam. She is the host of Pulling the Thread, a podcast focused on pulling apart the stories we tell about who we are—and then putting those threads back together. Ultimately Elise is a seeker and synthesizer, braiding together wisdom traditions, cultural history, and a deep knowledge of healing modalities to unlock new ways to contextualize who we are and why we’re here. She’s also the author of the instant New York Times bestseller On Our Best Behavior: The Seven Deadly Sins and the Price Women Pay to Be Good (Dial Press/PRH). The book weaves together history, memoir, and cultural criticism to explore the ways patriarchy lands in the bodies of women and embeds itself in our consciousness—and what we then police in ourselves and in each other. Regardless of our religious provenance, the self-denial implicit in each of the Seven Deadly Sins—Sloth, Envy, Pride, Gluttony, Greed, Lust, Anger—reads like a checklist of what it means to be a “good” woman. With awareness, we can begin to recognize these patterns of self-restriction, break the story, and move ourselves and each other toward freedom and balance.

Elise is a frequent contributor to Oprah, and has written for The New York Times, Elle Decor, Stylist, and more.

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